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Thursday, October 2nd, 2003

(1 viewer | stare into the orb)

Time:11:10 pm.
Mood:content.
Today was the end.

Tomorrow we ride the train home. Tomorrow will be the last time I ever see these faces. Of course, there will be people I'll know forever, but still, there are many people here who I will never look in the face again. Perhaps an old photograph or a Daily Prophet article or whatever. But today? Just . . . together as friends?

Today was the end.

I sat next to Harry during commencement. And contrary to whatever you might believe, I managed to hold my tears most of the ceremony . . . shocking, I know. In fact, it looked like I was going to make it. But in between extreme powerful advice and stuff that was actually worthy of tears, one short sentence Dumbledore said set me off like a faucet:

"This is the first day of the rest of your life."

Silly.

Harry and I had been holding hands, but when I started to cry he slipped an arm around me. Padma, who was sitting on my other side, squeezed my hand, and we exchanged one of those twin sister giggly looks. The one when Padma's saying: "Get a grip, 'Vati," and I say back, "No, you get a grip!" and we both burst out laughing.

I couldn't handle that. Or, rather, I cried, because I know I can. He's right, today is the end of an era and the beginning of another, another that might turn out to be even greater than the life I've lead.

There's so much I can't forget about what's happened in my first seventeen years. I'm not eighteen yet, unlike most of my fellow graduates. But I am an adult. I am a woman. And this is the beginning of my life.

Saturday, September 27th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:5:59 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
I suppose everything is finally setting in. Five days until we graduate. N.E.W.T.s over. Placements secure. My official schedule is this:

I move in three days after I leave Hogwarts. But classes don't begin until August 1st. Then, my schedule begins as:

Monday: classes 10-12:30, 2-7:00
Tuesday: classes 2-7:00, internship late shift 9-1:30 AM
Wednesday: classes 7-11:30, practicality and lab 1:30-5:30
Thursday: internship 7-5:00PM
Friday: classes 10-12:30, 2-7:00
Weekends, free, except every second Saturday, which has internship 6:00AM-2:00PM

Internships are at St. Mungo's, but I don't get my ward or assignment until I arrive.

And what's funny?

I've been so worried up until now. Don't get me wrong, I'm nervous . . . I'm about to move into the next stage of my life. I'm . . . an adult. I'm nervous, of course. For the first time ever I won't be with my parents or my sister. But I'm not *worried*. Which is all the difference.

For once, I just know everything will be all right.

Still, there are people I need to talk to before I leave school forever.

Monday, September 22nd, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:7:49 pm.
Mood: anxious.
To Miss Parvati M. Patil:

It is our pleasure to inform you that after receiving your N.E.W.T. scores and three recommendations from your professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we at the Academy of Healing and Mediwizardry in Cambridge may offer you one of twenty opening, first-year positions. We require your response by June 24th.

Should you choose to accept this offer, the process following is thus:

July 4th, you will move into your assigned flat off campus. The 11th is your orientation day, and afterwards your first week of classes begin. Your schedule, as a first year Healing Student and Trainee will be sent to you officially following your response, but subject to change, you will have class Monday through Thursday, internship Thursday evenings, Friday, and Saturday mornings every other week at St. Mungo's in London.

More information will be sent within the week.

Thank you and Congradulations,
Healer Miranda P. Carson
Headmistress

So. It's the end . . .

Saturday, September 13th, 2003

(2 viewers | stare into the orb)

Time:9:01 am.
Mood: anxious.
I woke up this morning and six and did three hours of flying on my own. Practicing plays, technique, getting used to it all again. With all the crap that has been going on here . . . I think everyone sort of put Quidditch on hold. Understandably so, of course. It's just odd now to look at the sport and realize that we're in the finals playing Slytherin. This afternoon Harry booked the field for Gryffindor, so we'll have a practice from four until seven, and then we'll go back out after and run a scrimmage.

Everyone wants to win this. Everyone wants to succeed.

This game is going to be for blood. I can tell already.

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:2:11 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
HE wrote ME.

As in he wants to meet me after dinner. As in, I don't know what but I finally get to see him again.

Owl to HarryCollapse )

Suddenly this N.E.W.T.s stuff doesn't seem to bad.

Monday, September 1st, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:3:18 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
N.E.W.T.S!

BLOODY NEWTS!

I am not ready. I'm not ready for any of this. I'm not ready to take these tests, I'm not ready to graduate, I'm not ready to be a grown up, I am certainly not ready to provide for myself. And any wanker who thought up some tests to define what I do for the rest of my life is bloody DAFT and off his damn rocker, and I'll be happy to let the stupid miserable tosser know that!

And to make matters worse, the tests are only taking up half my mind.

I would never admit this to anyone, and as soon as I finish writing this, I'll rip out the page from my diary and burn it.

I think I've grown to resent everyone who has a significant other who pays a speck of attention to them. I feel absolutely horrible saying this. Perhaps I'm just . . . going through a bad moment. I'll deal, of course.

I love Harry with all my heart. To the point where it hurts when it becomes weeks when we don't spend time together. And I've started to resent Steven and Mandy and Lavender and Ron and thinking of Padma with Terry used to make me sick, but now it annoys me for other reasons.

All I need is a little attention. A sign that he still gives a damn about me, perhaps.

Damnitalltohell.

Wednesday, August 13th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:11:23 am.
Mood:nervousanxiousWHATWASITHINKING.
With all this horrible stuff happening, I shouldn't be so shocked that things have slipped my mind. Only it would've been nice had I not forgotten something so important.

The N.E.W.T.s are coming. THE NEWTs. They will define the rest of my life. A week, and they'll be here. And I haven't been studying any more than usual.

I applied to The Academy of Wizarding Medicine. The top school for Mediwizard and Mediwitch training. I applied to the best school in England on the false hope that I could get in, and I've forgotten to study.

I'm going to have a breakdown. I don't know what to do. I've screwed myself over. Goodbye hopes of being a successful witch. Hello being a barmaid at the Three Broomsticks when Rosemerta retires (let's see . . . never).

Au revoir having my own flat. Hello living in my parents house forever.

To be a mediwitch I have to score damn near perfect in Charms, Herbology, and Potions, and I have to have a decent grade in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I can do Charms fine, and Herbology isn't too much of a problem. I can even handle the Defense Against the Dark Arts.

But almost perfect in Potions having only a week to prepare?

Someone kill me now.

What will I do? What will I do? What will I do?

Owl to Professor MontagueCollapse )

Sunday, August 3rd, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Subject:An Owl.
Time:5:30 pm.
Mood:hopeful.
A note left on Harry's bed, sealed with a wax stamp bearing the name Patil.

Dear Harry,

I'll try to come up to the library soon, but I need to tell you this immediately. Kirsten and I, after practice, were in the showers the other day. And as we were getting dressed, we got round to talking. We had an idea that we'll need your help, or, more appropriately, your leadership with. We both are okay, but everyone knows you're the best, hands down.

With the recent deaths, Kirsten and I are both worried about the safety of the students -- the younger students. We don't think that they know enough to defend themselves and protect themselves from . . . well, anything. So we came up with the idea of a student led group almost like the dueling club where we could learn protective spells and practice. We've asked two teachers to sponsor, but they're only there to regulate. We think it's best that the students lead . . . and that's why we especially need your help.

Talk to you and see you soon. Write me back.

Love,
Parvati

Saturday, July 26th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:5:16 pm.
Mood:tortured.
Two students murdered.

Two students killed in cold blood. And no one has a clue who did it.

No one here is safe. It doesn't take any divining to know that. Everyone at this school is in danger. Especially the Muggle borns. And then the pure-bloods and half-bloods who support the Light. The Dark forces . . . they don't stop. They eat people for breakfast. They kill and maul and torture and destroy without thought. Anyone standing in the way of their cause is gone.

I'm trying not to be too afraid for Harry. I know who he is, and I know what he's going to do. And . . . well, he even prepared me not to see him again. I don't remember his exact words. But I remember the feeling he conveyed. But how could I not be scared for him? I've never loved anyone the way I love him. It would be like . . . losing Kruti all over again. Only perhaps worse.

(1 viewer | stare into the orb)

Time:4:55 pm.
Mood:scared.
Owl to PadmaCollapse )

Owl to HarryCollapse )

Thursday, June 26th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:12:02 pm.
Mood:frightened.
I tried to stop believing in it.

I tried to convince myself Divination isn't real. Just a false attempt from pathetic weaklings to have some sort of nonexistent grasp on the future which cannot be predicted. I thought it was some nonsense, in my silly attempts to appear mature and "practical."

How could it have been denied?

Trelawney is no true Diviner, I know that for sure. Because after years of studying with her and on my own, coupled with my various false "epiphanies," I realized that she knew so little. I respect her and she is a dear teacher, but she cannot predict the future. The simplest books prove much of what she says wrong.

It was always known that Lavender and I were the best in her class. Except . . . I tried to stop believing. Lavender didn't.

Something's happened. I'm not sure. There are rumors flying, whispers, secrets, lies?

All I can say is that I felt something. It wasn't a dream . . . I wasn't dreaming, I couldn't sleep. The stars, the moon, the environment . . . nothing permitted it. I couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts.

And then it hit me, like a cold wind, bitter and breaking and . . . . so much pain.

Most visions, random visions . . . I can dismiss them. But not this. It took the front of my mind, and it was as though I wasn't me in my bed . . . like I wasn't where I was.

A child. A child crying. Hunched over crying. Then, in a flash, there was light, and then . . . blood. Around me, surrounding me. And then the crying stopped. It all stopped.

Last time I had a vision of this magnitude it was . . . .

I can't think about it.

Sunday, June 15th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:6:43 am.
Mood:devious and tricksey!!!1.
We did it!

Last night I came back into the Ravenclaw Common Room and went straight to bed. I managed not to go to the boys rooms. Instead I snuck straight into my bed and pretended to go to sleep. I'm pretty sure the other girls were sleeping too.

This morning. It's almost breakfast. I'm so nervous.

Damn straight, we did it!

Padma and I rule this place.

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:9:33 pm.
Mood: mischievous.
So she and I are really going to do it. When was the last time we tried this? We were . . . seven? No! Six. And now, at sixteen. Very immature and yet more fun than I can imagine. I do think I've forgotten how it feels to be this close to someone. But Padma really is my best friend. And . . . well, my twin. So why not use the situation to our advantage?

And this one. THIS will be one to go down in the history books.

Eh heh heh heh.

Saturday, May 31st, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:5:00 pm.
Mood: peaceful.
It's starting to feel like things are finally sinking back into what fits into the realm of "normal." Harry's been back for a while now . . . I still can't believe it. His arm looked horrible, but the nurse healed it as best she could. Of course, there's a rather terrible looking scar, but it's a big improvement.

I still can't believe he's back. He's not too hurt, he's back . . . . At least, physically he'll be okay.

Perhaps I should take him out to do something . . . escape the school without getting too far away, get a little catching up time . . . .

Owl to HarryCollapse )

Wednesday, May 21st, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:6:38 am.
Owls to Ron and HermioneCollapse )

Friday, May 16th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:8:37 pm.
Mood: shocked.
I had both my best dream and worst nightmare come true. Harry returned. I've seen him. I got permission from Dumbledore to stay with him . . . I'm pretty sure he knew I wouldn't leave Harry's side at all costs.

Still, that's the good news. He's here. The bad news . . . he looks pretty bad. His arm . . . goodness, I can't describe it. It's obvious that quite a few spells were taken to it, both to destroy and to heal it. But still . . . .

At least it's there.

He's unconscious. Deep into sleep. I want to talk to the nurse . . . Ms . . . someone. I forget. I haven't really had the chance. After all, I just found out today and have barely been down there for fifteen minutes. I came back for a few things to keep with me through the night. I refuse to leave his side.

Christ.

Wednesday, May 14th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:9:30 pm.
Mood:peeved.
Well. Spent Valentine's Day properly alone. As it were, I ended up locking myself up in the library for a few hours to do studying. When I studied myself out, I went and drew my curtains on my four poster and rested there.

And then--

Damn, hold on, there's a bloody owl that's been tapping on my window for hours. Am going to let him in.

Tuesday, May 13th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:8:38 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Wouldn't you know it?

The first time I'm part of a "couple" that means something to me . . . not just with some idiotic boy (whom I usually dump before Valentine's Day to avoid silly emotions and attatchment), I would be alone on the holiday.

How can I face the masses tomorrow? After all, reborn and epiphan . . . ized or not, I still have to maintain face as the "sociable" Gryffindor seventh year, along with Lavender. And yet, no date.

Worse yet, my boyfriend might be dead seriously injured.

Good gracious, where is he?

Alone. On Valentine's Day.

Life just keeps getting better.

Monday, May 12th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:12:18 pm.
Mood: crappy.
Owl to HarryCollapse )

This is getting too hard. I don't think I can do it anymore. It takes too much . . . too much. I swear, I'd run out there and chase after him if I had the slightest idea as to where he went. Everything has gotten a lot quieter, a lot more lifeless, a lot less meaningful. I still friends, of course, but things are just . . . lonely.

This boy, this boy, this boy.

Friday, May 9th, 2003

(stare into the orb)

Time:10:22 pm.
Mood: lonely.
You know . . . once the worry of danger . . . once the fear of him hurting has settled in my mind and become a constant, I start to realize something else.

I just miss him. Sure, I am nervous for his safety and health and life . . . but I just miss having him around. I miss him as a girlfriend missing her boyfriend whose away on a long trip. I miss the feel of him being near me, being around me, comforting me, playing with me . . . just being with me.

Eh. I miss him as my boyfriend.

LiveJournal for Parvati Patil.

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